


Solas Hates Starbucks

by Evren



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drabble, Fluff and Humor, Forgotten Ones, Gen, Iambic Pentameter - Mostly, In the Fade, Post-Game, Screenplay/Script Format, Spoilers, Very Weird Dragon Age/Modern Day/Shakespeare Mashup, What If Starbucks Existed in Elvhenan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 05:12:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4250664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evren/pseuds/Evren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Very weird/humorous DA drabble written Shakespeare style. What if Starbucks existed in Elvhenan and that's why Solas misses Arlathan so much?</p><p>The elvhen god of spite invites Fen'Harel to meet him in the Fade for drinks. Will Fen'Harel's well-known loathing of tea and similar consumables torpedo the Forgotten One's peace offering?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solas Hates Starbucks

_ANARIS, LORD OF MALICE sends a message to DREAD WOLF FEN'HAREL, inviting him to meet in the Fade to discuss the recent unpleasantness._

_Anaris arrives first, orders two drinks and selects a table near a window. Fen'Harel enters the establishment, surveys the Fade memory and makes a little sneer. He takes the chair opposite Anaris._

**Anaris, Lord of Malice**  
Full glad am I you come to treat with me,  
Dread Wolf. Welcome to the memory of this place,  
My favoritest of Starbucks.

 **The Dread Wolf Fen'Harel**  
                                           Since the fall  
Of Arlathan, the Fade's the only place  
One can find a decent vanilla chai.

 **Anaris**  
You have not touched your drink. You do not care  
For lattes?

 **Fen'Harel**  
                They're tolerable, if one can stand  
Over-roasted beans. About Andruil...

 **Anaris**  
They also say—you do not care for tea.

 **Fen'Harel**  
I detest the stuff.

 **Anaris**  
                            CALL OFF THE PEACE TALKS!  
They named me Lord of Malice, for my spite  
Grows unremitting with each source of rage.  
Discovering your beverage preference  
I desire only your death.

 **Fen'Harel**  
                                      ... So be it.  
Tea drinker, body stealer, did you think  
I arrived alone? Evin, out! Reveal  
Your squad of loyal friends, which prophecy  
Advised. Lord of Malice, beware the Wolf  
And his mate!

_Enter EVIN, with a SQUAD OF SOLDIERS bearing Inquisition arms._  
_They stab Anaris; he dies._

THE END.

**Author's Note:**

> 'Evin' is the name of my Lavellan Inquisitor from [Wolf in the Breast](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3726364/chapters/8256970). She has prophetic foresight style powers.
> 
> This is a random drabble I wrote in response to a [comment](http://archiveofourown.org/comments/33344190) by [OrangeYetti](http://archiveofourown.org/users/OrangeYetti/pseuds/OrangeYetti) suggesting Fen'Harel invite Anaris over for drinks to discuss their differences. Preserving it here because... it was so damn fun. And because I'm weird.


End file.
